Warning: Okay - I love Jesus. But...I can cuss like a sailor and talk dirty like a porn star. Feel free to have a look around and try not to be offended - it's the way God made me and He loves me anyway!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

am i nuts??

Hey Y'all...

My friend Barb (http://www.joyfulnoiseforajoyfullife.blogspot.com/) just recently started a blog and she's been after me to do it since. I have been thinkin' about it and playin' with a page but still haven't made up my mind. I am definitely not a writer and quite often I find myself not a thinker either. Especially when it comes to the garbage inside. I just recently started therapy and I think it's really gonna suck! I was in tears at my first visit and usually I don't cry until at least the sixth or seventh visit. Is that the sign of a good therapist or a bad therapist? IDK. But I do know he is gonna make me work hard and dig deep and I am absolutely terrified. Another blogger friend Lisa Jo (http://thegypsymama.com/) wrote today about how sometimes it's easier. Seems like it'll be easier to open up to my therapist. After all, he has no vested interest in me. But to open up to my husband or to a friend, well I would hafta be a special kind of stoopid to do that! After all, they could leave me after hearin' my story. And that thought is scarier than talkin' to the man (my guru is a guy). I'm prayin' that God will give me the strength and the courage to deal with the crap. (I also pray He provides the tequila!) And what's really funny is that I have spent the last couple of days mullin' over scripture and my own ideas for a talk I have to give Monday night at Wyld Life club (Young Life for middle schoolers) about how God blesses us and wants to bless us and made us so He could bless us. The talk has ended up bein' about gettin' through the kaka (did I spell that right?) with Him and how He blesses us throughout the whole thing. So what on earth am I so afraid of? I know that God will use this therapy as a blessing in my life. I know that my life will be enriched through this process. And I know that my wonderful husband (of 20+ years) will not dump me - he will love me through it just like Jesus will. I'm pretty sure most of my friends won't throw me under the bus either. So I may not be a writer but I just discovered that I definitely am a rambler...

Thanks for listenin' :O)


  1. Blogging is free therapy :) Glad you joined the bandwagon.

    Sometimes it's easier to yell into cyberspace than to yell at your family. Sometimes it's easier to write out my tangled thoughts than to listen to them on repeat in my head. Sometimes it's easier to feel loved by the Father when I hear the letters he writes me via myself.

    I hope you find joy and enjoyable therapy in this space!


  2. thanks so much lisa jo! you and sarah and barb are the reasons i started this journey. i imagine i'll be doin quite a bit of yellin and quite a bit of prayin in this space!


don't hold back - tell me how you really feel!