Warning: Okay - I love Jesus. But...I can cuss like a sailor and talk dirty like a porn star. Feel free to have a look around and try not to be offended - it's the way God made me and He loves me anyway!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Wonder & Amazement

Christy from I'm Just Sayin' has given me this award because she thinks I elicit awe & wonder.  I know this because I had to look portentous up on google and this is the definition I decided to use.  The other definitions were too freakin' gloomy.

And the very best part of this award...all I have to do is say thanks graciously (like that's gonna be a breeze cause Christy sometimes brings out the bitch sarcasm in me)  So...here goes "Thank you so very much for this wonderful & amazing award Christy.  My day has been made complete and I am smiling with joy."  (be right back - gotta go puke)

Also?  I only have to pass it on to one blogger.  Yup, you read it right...ONE blogger.  And so?  Today I'm choosin' Kris from Pretty All True 'cause she makes me pee myself on a regular basis.

So here you go Kris - this awesome & wonderful bitch is all yours!!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Substance? Who? Me?

I think Kimberly handed this to me without really lookin'.  A blog with substance?!  Well...an award's an award, so I'll take it!  Thanks Kim...I totally appreciate your faith in me.  But?  Next time?  How 'bout a reward since those usually come with money.

Of course there are freakin' rules that come with this award.  What the hell?  Can't a person just say thanks and get on with their day?  Sheesh...

1.  Thank the one that gave it to you.
2.  Write my blog philosophy, motivation, experience in five words. 
3.  Pass along to 10 bloggers.

1.  Thanks - see above

2.  Philosophy - "Tellin' it like it is."

3.  Passing along...

In Through the Out Door
Joyful Noise
No Points for Style
The Boogie Man is my Friend
The Gypsy Mama
The Mombshelter
I'm Just Sayin'

And I'm only gonna pass this along to seven 'cause Christy just had a huge, knock down, drag out little hissy fit about havin' to pass awards along to 10 bloggers and how it just ain't fair to those of us who haven't hit the big time, become the blogmaster of the world been bloggin' all that long and haven't become creeper stalkers followers of all that many blogs.  Here's to you Christy!  Hope I took some of the pressure off!

Post-It Note Tuesday

Monday, June 28, 2010

Girltime, Schmirltime

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but last week both my boys were gone.  The hubs out of the country and the boy at camp.  I don't know if I mentioned how freakin' excited I was about this happy little turn of events.  See, I can usually get rid of one or the other, but rarely (let's say this was the second time ever) do I get rid of the both at the same time.  Oh - girl time bliss here I come, right?  Well...no.  Also, fuck no!

My girlish dreams of sleeping in late, watching as much Glee as I wanted, being alone for eight glorious days were dashed.  Not only were they dashed, they were tossed to the ground and stomped upon by all the construction guys big, heavy, work boots!

Every single morning of my "alone" time was disrupted at 7:30 a.m. by my dogs barking their fool heads off as the damn workers started pouring into the yard.  Putting a pillow over my head did nothing to stop the noise of pounding nails, screaming saws, and Spanish.

Also?  Putting the pillow over my head did not stop the drywallers from pounding and sanding and taping and mudding and it also did not stop them from getting drywall mud all over everything within a 15 foot radius.  Have ya tried scraping dry drywall mud off of a brick floor?  Sucks ass!

Well, shit, since I'm up I might as well do something, right?  You may be wondering what on earth I could possibly do with all these people in and out of my house all day.  Well...I've already mentioned the friggin' drywall mud that I've been tryin' to scrape off the brick floor all week.  Then there is the drywall dust from all the sanding...this shit does not just fall to the floor to be neatly swept up.  This shit is everywhere!  From the tops of pictures frames that are hanging on a wall in another room (where the door has been shut forever) to the top of everything that is hanging in my closet, where the door has also been shut anytime said workers are in the vicinity.  I don't think my local (only) store stocks enough Pledge for this job.  Also?  Even though the drywall guys are done and the painting is finished?  The floors have had to be vacuumed and mopped at least three times each just to get the grit off of them.

And then there are the two downstairs bedrooms which have been totally pretty much demolished because we had to put new windows in (even though the "old" windows are only a few years old) because the "old" windows weren't to code.  Now these are rooms that get used frequently...the boy's bedroom and "my" room (sewing, napping, gettin' away from everyone...).  So after the drywall is up and textured (have I mentioned how much I fuckin hate textured walls?) and painted - it's time to put the rooms back together.  (specially the boys since he'll probably want a place to sleep when he gets home from camp)

I had bought an awesome ironish bed at IKEA when I took the daughter there to pop her cherry.  Then I decided I needed a "new" antique dresser to replace the behemoth that was in there.  So I get the bed put together (love that IKEA stuff goes together quick and relatively painlessly), got the mongo dresser emptied (lot's of shit for the thrift store!), pulled it into the hallway and put in the "new" dresser.  Aaahhh...one room down, one to go.

I spent all day Saturday doin' the boy's room.  He had given me permission to clean and rearrange it while he was gone.  I'm thinkin' I'm gonna use the old headboard/footboard from "my" room for his bed since you can use it for either queen or full size.  Had to pound it together twice since the first time I fuckin' put it together backwards.  Drop the box spring in...SHIT...I knew queen were wider, didn't know that they are also a good eight inches longer.  So let's take the damn bed apart again.  Then let's find some screws and the drill and retro-fit the headboard to his original frame.  Whew.  Hang the new blinds, then start the furniture-moving.  The boy's "desk" is a workshop workbench...six iron legs, six feet long, solid three-inch maple top.  Draggin' that shit across the room?  There are no words to describe the agony!

Finally finish around 12:30 a.m. and fall into bed and pretty much die.

So...yesterday...Sunday...I haven't been to church since before my road trip.  I literally force myself outta bed and into the shower.  Stop to get some coffee.  Go to church.  AND?  My pastor's on vacation!  WTF???  This should not be allowed.  Well...okay, he should get a vacation but it should only be from Monday through Saturday.  I got myself outta bed for this???

Make it through church (barely).  Go out to breakfast with my girlfriend and her baby (I LOVE her baby).  Get home and just have to make the boy's bed before I can nap.  While making the boy's bed, everything from the dust ruffle up) I make an amazing discovery!  I absolutely, without a doubt, cannot lift my arms above the shoulders.  I am all in pain and almost crying while makin' the boy's bed.  Finally finish...took a bit longer than usual.  Drop onto my bed to watch some Glee and perhaps nap before the boy calls to be picked up.  Then?  After ten whole minutes on my bed?  The boy calls to be picked up.

So...one boy home now, one due on Friday.  Actually ready for them both to be home since I didn't really have any "me" time while they were gone anyway.  And?  They are bigger than me and can move heavy furniture.

For the next phase of the "home improvement project?" I am reserving the right to move to the Holiday Inn.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Couldn't Resist

Been thinkin' on a new, for-real, blog but haven't quite gotten it figured out.  In the meantime, enjoy...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Free Therapy!!!

Okay...could y'all do me a huge favor?  Go visit my friend over at Free Therapy.  She's just passed the 100 blog mark and is kinda whinin' about how we didn't throw her a party, she doesn't have a million followers yet, she's not rich and famous, blah, blah, blah.

So anyway, please go visit and leave her a comment tellin' her how much you LOVE her.  She won't know if you mean it or not!


Post-It Note Tuesday

the Happiness Project

How cute right?  Need I say more?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Father's Day

I hate this occasion because I can never find the right card because they're all too nice. So, I usually end up getting the blank card with the tree on it -- draw a little picture of myself hanging there.  - M. Smith

Friday, June 18, 2010

Letters of Intent

Dear Self,

It's time to realize that you are NOT the laid-back, take-it-in-stride person you have spent your whole life thinkin' you are.  When your house is a construction zone, take the Xanax as soon as you get up, not after you've spent the whole day tryin' not to lose your freakin' mind!

Love,  Self
Dear Hubs,

Don't take it personal, but, thank the good Lord above that you are finally goin' on some travel!  Your two weeks outta the country is perfect for me:  one week to totally enjoy your absence, one week to get ready for you to come home and love the crap outta me!  Have a great time, get lot's of work done, eat too much French food, come home horny!

Love,  Wife
Dear Son,

Take it as personal as you wanna!  Thank God that you are going to camp and gonna be gone for eight days!!  Have a great time, eat lots of great food, sing some totally awesome songs, laugh your ass off at the crazy skits.  Don't even worry about me, home alone for eight (EIGHT!!!) freakin' days by myself.  I promise I'll be okay!

Love ya to death (even if you are sometimes a total pain in the ass), Mom

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

Okay...yeah.  I know it's still Tuesday night but gimme a break!  I gotta lot on my mind...

Yup.  It's that day.  But since it's Wordless Wednesday, I'll try to scream silently...k?

Post-It Note Tuesday