.

Warning: Okay - I love Jesus. But...I can cuss like a sailor and talk dirty like a porn star. Feel free to have a look around and try not to be offended - it's the way God made me and He loves me anyway!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Non-essentials

I picked up a few non-essential items yesterday on day #1 of my road trip.  Namely a cracked windshield and a fuckin' speedin' ticket...crap!  Also...Nebraska is really flat and smells like manure.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Follow Me Friday

Click on the link, add your name to the list, put the button on your blog and get ready for some link love!

OMG! My Head is Gonna Explode!


Tomorrow I'm off on a roadtrip with my oldest daughter.  We are driving to Minnesota which is where she was up until March.  In March she moved back down to Albuquerque to move in with the boyfriend who was the reason she left Albuquerque and moved to Minneapolis two years ago.  Follow?


So today we drive to Albuquerque to load up her stuff.  Her car is trailered behind my truck.  Her car is loaded with almost everythin' she owns, cept for the dresser that'll go in the bed of the truck and her king-sized bed which'll stay in my garage til I find someone who wants it.  She thought about leavin' it at the ex-bf's house, but, um, no.  Also, fuck no!


Movin' stresses me under the best of circumstances but when I'm in charge of the loadin' and tyin' down of shit in the truck - well that about kills me.  Add in the wind (desert wind 50+ mph) and the fuckin' rain/hail - I'm thisclosetobawlin'.


The hubs is great - we get home and immediately it starts fuckin' rainin' again so we're racin' to get the friggin' mattress in the garage 'fore it gets any wetter.  Then he's goin' to McD's to pick up dinner.  I wanna southwest grilled chicken salad and a large strawberry soda.  Our McD's is so whack...I shoulda warned the hubs to check the strawberry soda cause they always give me a fuckin' strawberry shake.  I do not like strawberry shakes - I only like chocolate shakes.  Also, gross.  So I go back through the stinkin' drive-thru to get my damn strawberry soda and the truck in front of me takes EIGHT minutes to get all their shit.  Really?  Hello drive-thru people, you have a "waitin'" parkin' lot for occasions such as these.  Then the drive-thru kid tells me I'm crazy cause I don't like strawberry shakes.  Really?  You're gonna say that to me after you fucked up the order in the first place?  Finally get home with my SODA and everyone else is finished with their dinner so I eat alone, which maybe is a good thing since I'm totally on the edge and my head is about to explode.


I am really lookin' forward to the drive home - alone - but it kinda bums me out too.  This is the kinda trip my "ex" girlfriend and I always talked about takin'.  And right now I can't think of anyone else I would wanna roadtrip with (please don't take it personal, you know who you are, but if you been readin' my posts lately you know I don't like anyone right now.)


So I'm gonna take my time, see things I've always wanted to see, I may not even take the interstate home!  I'll have a lotta time to spend with just Jesus and a lotta time to pray and a lotta time to evaluate my life.  It'll be good.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Wordless Wednesday


Energetic You!  Cooking, baking, doing dishes
Embraceable You! with the soft, smooth hands men adore

PUH-LEEZ!!! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth...
For a good time visit...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Monday, May 24, 2010

Bitch and Moan Monday


So I'm thinkin' I'm startin' to go through what my asshole, ignorant, dear, helpful friend James calls "the Mental-pause."  And it fuckin' sucks!  There is no "happy day oh happy day."  Nope...it's now "happy day oh (husband/kid/long-lost friend walks in the door) fuckin' shitty day"


 I do not like anyone or anything.  I want the whole shittin' world to leave me the fuck alone.  Unless of course I want you to talk to me or take me to dinner.  But...YOU gotta figure out which one it is!  And if you guess wrong???  (hmmm...perhaps now wasn't the best time to buy a new 9mm?)


But the hubs knows that he's still pretty safe.  Like I told him last week, he's number one on my "people I dislike the least" list.  


Good thing I can come here to bitch and moan!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Ponder This...


All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Whaddya Know!

Another award!  Damn...I could get used to this!!

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This award comes courtesy of my friend Wendy at http://runningonmtt.blogspot.com/.  You really gotta check her out!  She's got freakin' awesome kids, a super hubs, and a great sense of humor!  Just met her recently (not irl - but maybe someday!) and love love love her.  We just have so much in common like watching reality tv, exercising, our love of books and our love of music, bit of a twisted sense of humor (and we both kinda like absolutely adore our kids!)  Though I have absolutely no friggin' idea why she'd give me a "happy" award - I'm bitchy as hell lately...

As for the rules (shut up, of course there are rules!  What the hell?)  
1.  copy and paste the award onto your blog
2.  tell everyone about the awesome chick who gave you the award (and link to her site, duh!)
3.  list ten things that make you happy (this one is really gonna be a bitch for me right now since I don't like anyone and every thing and every one is on my shit list but I'll try and muddle through)
4.  pass it on dudes! (and visit 'em to let 'em know)

Ten things that make me happy ...

1.  bright, shiny things (diamonds specially) that sparkle and send off rainbows and blind people in the sun.
2.  the hubs who is gettin' real good at buyin' me bright, shiny things.
3.  lime juice - specially when shaken (not stirred) with some Jose Cuervo and Grand Marnier
4.  my new bed...it's one of those pick-a-number bed and it's pretty fuckin' awesome!
5.  Glee (shut up!  have you even fuckin' watched it???)
6.  Dr. Gregory House - his bad attitude makes me look like a freakin' angel!
7.  bein' a substitute p.e. teacher - nothin' like blowin' the whistle and yellin' at bratty middle schoolers to get their asses movin'!
8.  my jeep - hemi kicks ass and I know how to drive it!
9.  Robert Downey Jr. (oh my he is pretty)
10. a two-hour pedi that ends in bright green toenails

And now the award goes to...


Check 'em out and see why I love 'em!


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Post-It Note Tuesday

Click "Supah's" button on the right to learn how to post your own!

The Happiness Project

Monet's Garden - Giverny France

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sometimes My Kid is NOT Very Nice!

So...today's my birthday (don't ask - I'll never tell) and my daughter and her fiance come up to spend the day with me us.  Not necessarily cause it's my birthday - I think it's more the surprise birthday party we are going to for my best slutty, bitchy, nasty wonderful friend.  (whose birthday is tomorra and she's way older than me!)


Anyway...this afternoon she comes out with a really pretty bag and hands it to me.  I reach in and pull out a little tissue-paper wrapped gift.  "Oh no!" she says, "you have to open that one last."  Mmkay...I reach in and pull out an iTunes card (suh-weet) and a huge coffee mug talkin' 'bout respectin' the Queen (smart girl).  


Finally get to the last gift, carefully pull off the paper and find myself lookin' at a two-pack of pacifiers.  "What do I need pacifiers for?" Tryin' to figure out if this is some dig at my age or somethin' (though you'd think Depends for that before pacifiers - at least in my mind).


I look up at the daughter and she's got this really strange look on her face.  


"OH SHIT!"


Then she cracks up..."Ooohhh - I got you SO good!  You shoulda seen the look on your face!"  HaHa!


Daughter and fiance are pissin' themselves laughin'.


I DID NOT need any more gray hair, nor did I ask for any...


Fuckin' kids...


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Friday, May 14, 2010

My First Award!

OMGosh!  I got my first bloggin' award today - how freakin' excitin'!!!  

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With this award comes some chores duties ... first, I must thank the blogger who honored me. Thanks so much jayaycee!  I feel so honored :O)  Please stop by and give her a visit.  I am thrilled to be recognized and promise to try not to disappoint, but make no guarantees...


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Second - I must tell you seven things about me...

1.  I do not cook.  I can cook, I just choose not to.  I would so much rather call for take-out or make reservations the hubs cook and I do clean up.  A big reason for this is that the hubs does not wipe the counter or rinse out the sink well.  I have been tryin' to do better at the whole "dinner on the table when the man gets home from work" since I "semi-retired,"  but, nah, if the hubs wants a real dinner and not a PB&J for dinner, he still needs to cook it.  Just sayin'.

2.  At the age of 43, I got my labia, tongue, nose pierced.  I have been told that I am an enigma...an ultra-conservative, Republican Christian who wears Eddie Bauer, Ralph Lauren, and Tiffany and drops the f-bomb, talks dirty, and pierces my nose.  I just like to shake things up.

3.  Part of shakin' things up was gettin' my first tattoo, on my nipples shoulder, when I was 33.  I've been told they are addictin'.  I find that to be bullshit absolutely true...now I have Woodstock on my left foot, the Republican elephant on my right ankle (shut up - it's true and it's fuckin' awesome!), "a safe life is a wasted life" on the top of my right foot, a Jesus fish with the kiddos initials in it inside my left wrist, and a cross behind my left ear. I think the next one will be the anarchy symbol or a pot leaf the Celtic motherhood symbol.  (quit askin' and google it - sheesh)

4.  The second and third toes on my right foot grow together which sucked when I was in jr. high cause all the cool bitches, sluts, whores girls wore toe socks and I could not.  Thus I was relegated to the second tier of popularity ... date the football player, but NOT the captain of the team, be the softball player, but NOT the pitcher.  Jebus, was I glad when the damn socks went outta style.

5.  I went to six schools from 9th through 12th grade.  Nothin' witty to say about that - totally sucked ass!

6.  I have at least one STD rock from every place I've ever visited.  Various Caribbean islands, Venezuela , all of North America, Omaha Beach, a diverse collection from different European countries.  Funny true story...comin' home from Santa Barbara, checkin' in at LAX.  Airline guy asks me what's in my suitcase?  A bag of rocks?  Tells me he needs to weigh it.  Comes back and tells me I need to lose about 15 pounds or pay an extra $75.00.  I drop the bag on the floor, unzip it, and pull out a bag o' rocks!  Airline guy just about peed his pants laughin'.

7.  One of the biggest compliments anyone can give me is to tell me I "drive like a guy"!!  I love cars, I love speed, and I love a manual transmission.  I think it started when I lost my virginity in a 1980 Corvette (in 1980, natch)

Next, I need to pass the award on to fifteen blogs I've recently (or perhaps not so recently) discovered and that I think fuckin' rock!


Finally, I need to let each of these wonderful women know I adore them and am passing on my Versatile Blogger award to them! This I will be working on all freakin' night...

Five things that made me happy this week...

1.  I finally got the diamond cross necklace I've been waiting for.
2.  Got to drive the big truck while hubs was on travel.
3.  Had a blast air-banding with the kid in the McD's drive-thru.
4.  Found the perfect heart-shaped stone for my BFF.
5.  Saw Iron Man 2 with the incredibly hot RDJ!!!

Click here to join the fun!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

the Happiness Project



The goofy grand!

Click on Leigh's button to the right if you want to post your own happy picture!

Post-It Note Tuesday












Click on Supah's button on the right!



Monday, May 10, 2010

New Furniture and an Old Love Letter

So tonight I'm doin' what I usually do when the hubs is on travel - put together new furniture (duh!  What else would I be doin"?!)  UPS drops off a box that doesn't look big enough to hold a pair of shoes much less a nightstand.  So I spend a couple of cussin', swearin', yellin' at the dogs, droppin' tools on my foot delightful hours puttin' the damn thing together (and btw...I did yell at the dog cause the fucker ate my favorite bra while I was otherwise occupied!)


While dumpin' the drawers of the old nightstand into the drawer of the new one, I found a letter I wrote to the hubs in 1998 when he was on the first of many overseas trips.  After readin' it, I came to the surprising obvious conclusion that I still feel the same way (though he annoyed the shit outta me yesterday before he left).  Thought I'd share it with y'all, and perhaps the hubs will read it too.  Guess it's kinda an apology for bein' such a bitch last night...and yeah - I do know some big words.


"A forced separation gives a person all sorts of time for introspection.  And, in contemplating my life, I have come to the not-so-surprising conclusion that you give my life meaning and worth.  


I know that I don't always act or show the way I feel, but I am determined to start doing everything I can to let you know how important you are to me.  You are the first person I think of every morning and the last thought I have before going to sleep.


When you smile at me, my world feels a little safer, warmer, and brighter.  When you touch me I feel a sense of contentment that belies words.  My thoughts of you are what keep me going when, at times, all else seems to be falling down around me.


Every day I wait with anticipation for you to come through the door.  I love it when you share your day with me and it makes me feel so good that you want, and value, my opinions.


Watching you with our son has got to be one of the most beautiful things on this side of heaven.  I know that God had a special hand in the relationship that the two of you have and I am so proud to have you as our son's daddy.


I really just wanted to let you know that you are the essential element in my life; the air that I breathe, the water that I drink, the sun around which I revolve.


All my love, forever"


All my love forever Honey


p.s.  the new nightstand...beautiful isn't it??!!







Proper Potty Etiquette

Attention children ...
the bathroom door is closed!

·      Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions.  Wait until I get out.
·      Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, and I am not trapped.
·      I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it's been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.
·      Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.
·      Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.
·      Do not go running back to the phone yelling "She's in the BATHROOM!"
·      Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.
·      Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was funny when you were two.
·      Do not slide pennies, LEGOs, or notes under the door. Even when you were two this got a little tiresome.
·      If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.
·      And yes, I still love you.

Mom 

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day Mommies!!

Things Mom Would Never Say

  • "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
  • "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
  • "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
  • "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
  • "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
  • "Well, if Rahul's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
  • "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
  • "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
  • "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"




Saturday, May 8, 2010

Please Pray for Monkey

I met a new friend today - Michelle at http://www.mypixiedreams.com/.  She is the momma of three beautiful girls and she just found out that her baby, Monkey, has neuroblastoma.  


Please join me in praying for Michelle, her beautiful family and her adorable Monkey.


Thank you...

Friday, May 7, 2010

Friday's are for Fakin' It!


Not only did the "magic fairy dust" give Madge more energy - 
it also got her whites brilliantly, blindingly white!



Thursday, May 6, 2010

I Musta Been High...

or smokin' crack or dippin' into the xanax bottle a little too frequently cause I did somethin' today that I try to avoid like housework, cooking, the laundry room the plague.


I had to drive down the "hill" today to pick up a wedding gift and since I was only about 15 minutes from "the wal-mart", figured I'd run in there to pick up a foldin' dryin' rack for the laundry room. (see - I don't totally avoid the laundry room - I can just throw the rack in there, slam the door, and let the laundry figure out how to hang itself *big grin* pun totally intended)


Then I figured I might as well pick up the "Manwich" we're gonna have for dinner and save a stop at the grocery store.  While I'm lookin' for the "Manwich" I see boxes of frozen hamburgers.  See, the hubs has this crazy, insane, stoopid great idea, since we live only two blocks away,  to feed high-schoolers on Fridays.


I been tryin' to be a good wife.  (What?  Okay - stop laughin'.  It's true!  Not happenin' often, but gimme some credit for tryin') So I add 64 burgers, 64 buns, 48 dr. peppers, six bags of chips, and a case of water to my up-til-now practically empty (and of course completely whack) cart.


So, there I am, tryin' to wrestle the damn cart into a check-out...find one that looks not-too-bad.  Shit!  All check-outs in "the wal-mart" are. that. bad.  So I'm waitin' for a frickin' half hour, the check-out guy has gotta be 90 if he's a day, and they have the freakin' heat ON!!!  Really?  The heat is on?  OMG!!!  (It is 85 degrees outside - which is so extreme since it was snowing on Sunday)


I can't believe I made it outta there without screamin', cussin', or killin'.  Why is it that I "forget" how ghetto "the wal-mart" is for a few months?  (and have y'all been to that website "people of wal-mart?"  I swear they get all those pictures from "the wal-mart" near me!)  And then go back thinkin' "Hey - maybe "the wal-mart" has turned into Tar-jay."


Sometimes stoopid just wins.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Happiness Project


My girlfriend's baby girl - Rory



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Holy Crap-a-molie Batman!

OMG!!!  Okay...so the hubs and I were in Santa Fe this afternoon (therapy you know) and the boy tries to call both of us.  He wanted to explain what had happened to the screen door that goes into the garage and why it wouldn't open (it was the wind and it just needed a good ass-kickin').  


He said that he had been takin' out some garbage when the wind slammed the door shut. (spring is definitely windy season here in the mountains of NM)  Mmmkay...no suspicions here.  HA!  Anyhoo - hubs and I finished runnin' our errands (which you have to do if you are in the "big" city cause you don't wanna have to drive back for somthin' you forgot...), stopped to get some dinner, and headed home.


Hadn't even got outta the car when the boy runs out and says, "wanna see a surprise?"  Let's see...you are 15, you are a boy, and you have a surprise?  Um...no, not really.  He ushers us inside and towards his room (by this time I'm more than a little worried) and opens the door...*




WTF!!  It's clean...he even CHANGED THE SHEETS (and I don't even know how long it's been since that happened**)!!  There was no beggin', no pleadin', no arguin, no slammin' doors, and NO YELLIN'!!  What the hell do you want??




I am actually speechless (and ask anyone who knows, that shit just don't happen).  So maybe he's gonna turn out okay.  Don't know that I'll live to see the day, but WOW!


Holy crap...there is a God and miracles do happen!




*I don't have any "before" pics cause I never opened the door cause the stench'd drop me to my knees.
**See *above

Tuesday, May 4, 2010