the fuckin' question that every parent wants answered. "What the hell have I missed?" "What the fuck is goin' on?" or the biggest one..."Where on earth did I go wrong?"
My son, my once oh-so-adorable, oh-so-loving son has turned into some kind of monster. I realize that I have discussed this before, but I don't know where else to go.
He is failing three classes. He says we are totally unfair because we've decided that he needs a schedule and supervision for homework. He says that if he is signed up for summer school, he will refuse to go. I told him he might as well go to summer school since he won't be doin' anythin' else (for his entire life) until he passes physics. Or geometry. Or literature. Whichever one(s) he doesn't pass this school year. No Young Life camp, no vacations, and no job (which means no being able to save money for a car).
He has his own blog site which, of course, I am following. It is filled with darkness and suffering and death. I'm lost and I'm scared. How do the parents who have great relationships with their teenagers do that? How do I get through to this child that if I didn't love him, school wouldn't matter. And where the hell did respect for your parents go? And why is it that I would kick his ass if he dissed another adult, but not when he disses me? I FUCKING HATE THIS!!! This is so NOT what I signed up for. He has a stable home, two loving parents, and a totally becoming fucked-up life. How does this happen?
His hero is a senior in his high school. A talented, smart, got it pretty much together kind of guy. My son tells me he wants to be just like this guy when he's a senior because they have so much in common. Like what? Neither has ever tried drugs or alcohol, both are virgins and plan on staying that way, and both love music.
And I feel like I always have to be the hard-ass. My husband seems to think that you can calmly talk things out and everyone will end up with the warm-fuzzies. Sometimes I just wanna scream at him to grow a pair and stop this child from being so irresponsible and disrespectful. But heaven forbid any voices get raised...
I am so fucking frustrated I don't even know which end is up. And I can't "just breathe" through this shit.