Warning: Okay - I love Jesus. But...I can cuss like a sailor and talk dirty like a porn star. Feel free to have a look around and try not to be offended - it's the way God made me and He loves me anyway!

Thursday, April 29, 2010


My therapist had to cancel on me yesterday.  He was at the hospital with his dying mother.  He says, "I'll just see you next week."  How does that work?  How can you lose someone that important to you and be at work the next week?  I guess it's different when it's an elderly parent.  After all, parents are supposed to die before their children.  That's the natural order of things right??

Ryan's been gone for a little less than a month and I still have a hard time dragging myself to work (when I haven't marked the day off that is).  I still hear a certain song, or suddenly imagine his smiling face and I can barely function.  The tears come at any and all times.  

His mom amazes me.  She's been back at work for the last week and seems to be doing okay there.  This weekend she and Ryan's dad are driving to Denver to collect his stuff.  I just can't even imagine how that feels.  I would love to be able to do that for them but I understand that this is something that they have to do together.  I just am feeling helpless again (sigh) and don't know what to do with myself, how to get myself out of this funk.  I mean, come on...Ryan's mom seems to be functioning and I can barely get my sorry ass out of bed.  WTF???


  1. Ryan's mom has been home in bed by 3:30 everyday this week. Sobbing and trying hard to take the next breath so I stay among the living. Jenn says act 'as if' as if things are going to be okay without Ryan. I am trying but can't seem to make it work.
    I thank God my school family have treated me with kid gloves and I have had to see only a handful of kiddos this week.
    Pray for us this weekend I don't know how we are going to survive.
    I love you and just knowing you are there is a gift to me. Just can't even seem to talk on the phone right now.
    I love you Cathy, we will survive this together. Pray for my beautiful, Natalie and Lissa. They are so far away from my arms.

  2. I'm sorry for your loss. That is every mother's nightmare. Hang in there, you guys.

  3. thanks for stoppin' by keely! appreciate it!


don't hold back - tell me how you really feel!